Intentional Living, Sharing

Ideas

Groove

One thing to know about me is that I have lots of great ideas. I’m just not always great at following through. Lately I find my ideas are getting bigger and bigger…many are more than I could ever expect to do on my own.

Some  ideas after a while get pushed aside and forgotten. Others get neglected because of my lack of time management. Then there are some that refuse to die or be diminished no matter how much I try.  These are the ideas that I find were never mine to begin with, but they are Gods ideas. Over time they come to life with the barest of efforts on my behalf. Usually just a stepping out in faith. It seems that as one thing comes to life and is finished it is lately replaced by an even bigger thing that is hard for me  to picture, except for in my wildest imagination.

Writing

I have two different book ideas. I still haven’t written the devotional book I wanted to do although I did help collaborate on Groove (paperback)(for Kindle), (For All Others).  Now with two different book ideas and one I hope to make into a free e-book for subscribers. That doesn’t even count my fictional writing.

Groove: Stories to Refresh The Way We Think and Feel about our Mental Illnesses

I never set out to write, and when I began blogging I never thought that I would ever write to be published. Yet God has allowed me to have some writing published in two different books now.  My hope is that in 2015 I will be able to make daily writing a priority in my life, and to see that writing grow.

Leading, Rest, and Waiting

God is also placing within my heart a greater pull toward leading bible studies. I have to admit this isn’t something I expected but I am excited to see what the new year will bring. At the same time there is still that sense of rest. My health problems are ongoing, and for this season I am in a forced rest. Yet I am learning anew how to be still before Jesus in a whole new way. I am learning the importance of rest and maybe I will be able to share with you in time.

I am also learning about waiting. So while things may have settled externally in my life, I find I am still growing and learning in my spirit. It has been a strange season in some ways, but I believe it will be essential for my growth.

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Faith, Mental Health

Surviving the Holidays

From the archives, Originally posted on November 25, 2013
 

Survivingtheholidays

It is that time of year again, time to think about the holidays.  I look forward to them now, but that was not always the case.  In my depression, I dreaded and at times even hated the holidays.  Because of that, this year I want to share some of the things I learned that helped me to deal with the holidays.

When you are suffering from depression, it is hard enough to get through a typical day.  Add the stress of a major family get together and the and anxiety sky-rockets.  Just thinking about it brings feelings of dread and inadequacy in some people.

I have learned that it is important to realize where you are mentally and emotionally at the time.  Once you establish where you are, then you need to think about what you can reasonably do that will allow you to enjoy the holiday without triggering a breakdown.

In the past I have totally decided that I needed to skip a holiday, because I knew that I couldn’t take on the family drama at the time.  While to some this may seem like a bad thing, for me it was setting a healthy boundary.  While I did that once, that was not an ideal situation that I wanted to have to repeat often.  I prefer to enjoy the holidays when I can.

Some things I have learned is that

  • It is alright to show up late or leave early this provides me a chance to enjoy the festivities without becoming overly tired or emotionally drained.
  • It is alright to tell people, that certain topics are off-limits, and stick to it.
  • People may not like my boundaries, but if they care to see me, they must accept what I am able to give.
  • I need to have some time to myself, even during the holiday.  That is essential for helping me to not feel so overwhelmed.  It is not a crime to take what I need.
  • Sometimes I may feel like I am on the outside looking in, depending on my mood.  That is also alright, because even those who do not struggle with depression, are not guaranteed to feel all there in the moment.  You never know what may be troubling someone.
  • I have also learned that sometimes you have to force yourself to show up because you need the support of family and friends, so make the effort to do what you can.

The biggest thing is not to beat yourself up for what you consider to be shortcomings and instead enjoy the people around you.  You alone know how fleeting life can be, and while you may be struggling, you know that having another holiday is never guaranteed.

Don’t forget the real meaning of the holiday.  That often helps me to get my mind off of my discomfort and thinking about why we get together.

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Sharing

You Bless Me

Sweet Friends,

I was concerned that I would alienate or even lose readers by sharing so much about my health struggles. Instead, when I finally got around to checking that email address I was blessed by your responses.

In trying to plan for next year I will be honest God has not yet revealed His direction for my blog posts. It is my desire to get back to posting more intentionally, and with good content.

This year I seem to have broken all the blogging rules, and honestly I don’t care because I was doing what I needed to do for me. I thank all of you for sticking with me on this journey, even in my inconsistency.

My computer is currently down so please forgive any typos as I am trying to post from my cell phone.

The results from the endoscopy were normal. They are nw starting me on treatments for IBS-Constipation.  Still no one knows what is causing the vertigo.  I have an appt for mid-January to see a neurologist.

I have had to give up my job for now.  I thank those who have donated to help with the medical bills. I do understand that this is a hard time of year for people to help.  I am still accepting donations, although I hate asking for them.  Donate

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Faith

Consider Mary

From the archives originally posted December 5 2012

VirginMary

As I have read lately, and trying to really get into the Christmas season, I have looked at the Christmas story.  As I think on this, I can’t help but picture myself at 13.  Picture yourself as you were at 13. What did that look like?  Were you mature, smart, or did you still have lots of growing up to do?  What did your faith look like?  Did you believe in God?  Thinking about how you were at 13, could you imagine being visited by an angel?

Take that a step further….Could you imagine hearing that you have won Gods Favor?  Continue to think on this….What would it have looked like for you to been in Mary’s shoes?  What would being pregnant and single felt like to you?  A bit different from a normal pregnancy, because you wouldn’t have the shame of having done something that people could frown upon….in fact you did nothing wrong.  But know everyone will look at you differently.  Some will shun you, others will want to stone you to death.  Not to mention that your fiancé, may walk away and leave you alone, and on your own.  Could you do it?  Not knowing the outcome of what is to be, how would it have affected you to be shunned?  What about being single, pregnant and possibly even disowned?

OK, now ponder how would you feel when Joseph said he believed you?  How would you fare throughout the pregnancy?  How would you do on the trip to Nazareth?  What about giving birth in less than sanitary conditions?  No meds, no doctor, could you imagine?  Would your fears overtake you?  In all honesty, do you think that you could have done what she did in her situation?

Thankfully we will never need to find out.  But looking back on the story and trying to put myself in Mary’s place in my mind….I am reminded of how sheltered, young and naïve that I was at 13.  Could you imagine having to be responsible not just for another life at 13, but the son of God??  I could see myself freaking out over every little thing gone wrong, that God would not be pleased.  That’s an awesome responsibility.  Have you ever taken the time to make it personal for you?

How are you making Christmas special for you this year?  Not about the commercialized aspect of Christmas, but from the faith aspect of Christmas.  Love to hear your thoughts.

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Sharing

Will you help me?

I have shared some here on the blog about my recent health issues.  Today I need to ask for your help in spreading the word so I want to share a bit more.

Digestive Issues

I’ve struggled with fatigue, abdominal pain, being bloated, persistent indigestion and heartburn, and excessive gas, for I know two weeks or more before experiencing vertigo. It was to the point that I could not eat or drink without instantly bloating, having excessive gas, indigestion, heartburn and being overall miserable.  This resulting in my doctor running an ultrasound, a biliary scan and referring me to a gastroenterologist. The gastroenterologist then ran an endoscopy.

While dealing with that I was also having other problems.

Deanna Wiseburn

Vertigo

I have had constant vertigo since October 19th.  The vertigo has kept me from being able to work.  You can read about what a day in my life is like:  A Day in My Current Life.

I have had to resort to seeing specialists for testing.  I saw an Ears, nose and throat specialist, but they were unable to find a reason for the vertigo.  However they did decide that I need hearing aids, but I can’t afford them.  I have been told the next step will be to see a neurologist.

With the vertigo causing me to miss work, I was only able to work 2 days the month of November I had got doctors notes from the specialist.  Since He could not find a reason I no longer can receive doctors notes from Him.  I had to resign from my job today due to this. I need to have a way to pay for the medical bills that are coming in.  I would appreciate any help that you can provide in spreading the word, and donating money or covering this in prayers.

Please help me to spread the word about this campaign. I can’t do this without your help!!

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Intentional Living, Sharing

A Confession

viewfromhammock

So recently God is showing me that I’m really not living joyfully surrendered in this season. So without intending to I have been deceptive.

In fact, instead of surrendering to God, I have instead fought back and tried doing things my way. He has tried to get me to rest for a while, I noticed it here on the blog months ago. Yet even when I stopped writing as much, I never slowed down. Even while I was unemployed, I spent every day busy working on this blog, and speaking life into various online groups. Then I started working and any sense of rest was gone.

Since I have gotten sick I have been stubborn and from October 19th to November 5th, I worked with the vertigo, I even drove. At least until it became obvious to everyone that I might pass out at any minute. Then still being hard-headed I took a week off of work and then tried to return although my symptoms had not changed.  I landed myself in bed for 2 days straight, unable to do anything. Simply exhausted and unable to do anything. Going to bed my body was trembling with the effort it took to make it through the day. You would think by then that I would have realized my need for rest and submission.

Nope.

Instead I began stressing about how I could keep from losing my job. Then about how I would pay for the doctors and treatment when my insurance doesn’t cover it. The whole time I am saying that I trust Jesus, yet I couldn’t see the error of my ways. My struggle to control what was out of control, was not submitting. Worrying about money was not trusting God as my provider. I have failed.  I was acting more like the world, instead of a born again believer.

I know that it is time to take a stand. I can either trust God and follow His way even when it doesn’t make good natural sense….Or I can be stubborn, doing my body more harm by trying to work to be self-sufficient.

When will I learn that His plans always trump my own and truly walk in what I believe?

This living the surrendered life is truly a moment by moment lifestyle that requires being intentionally committed to surrendering no matter the cost.

An Update

If you have missed the earlier post on this read A Day in My Current Life.

This afternoon is my endoscopy.  The hearing and balance test at the Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor revealed nothing.  The next step now is a neurologist.  Unfortunately it seems that this could cost me my job with the vertigo, and that will not help me to pay the medical bills coming in.

I have started to accept donations to help with the bills that are coming in.  http://www.gofundme.com/DeannaWiseburn

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