When It Feels Like The Pause Button Has Been Pressed On Your Life

Sometimes things press in hard, and you know that there is much that needs to be done.  Lately there are times where I feel like that a lot, yet at the same time it is like someone has pressed the pause button on things.  For as much as I need to get accomplished, I simply can’t do anything more right now.

I know that there is much needing attention, and quickly, and I see it clearly.  At the same time while I can see it, I also see that there is no way to do this at this point in time.  It is a strange feeling, to know that things are pressing in, and not be able to do anything about it right now.  It is similar to be watching a movie, knowing what scene comes next, and yet someone has pressed paused and walked away.  There is a waiting in anticipation, at the same time a great sense of frustration because you can’t move forward.

As frustrating and strange as it feels I know that I must press into God, and let Him show me what needs the most attention.  Currently that is relationships.  I find that I am spending more time with my family as a whole.  Also spending more time with my grandmother, who in recent years I have not cared to spend that much time with.

I tend to struggle with the thoughts that I must do more to resume life as normal.  Instead I can only be who I am and just do what is needed.  Which means a lot more of helping out, sitting there and relaxing, enjoying my grandmothers presence, instead of being busy going about life as normal.

But this serves to remind me  that I need not go about resuming life as normal, because my “normal” life isn’t what God placed me here for.  I am called to do what God wants of me, instead of doing whatever I please.

Care-giving, An Act of Submission

photo credit: Marquette University via photopin cc

Over the last week, I have learned a new lesson in Submission.  I never considered Care-giving to be an act of submission before.  However reflecting on the past week I see how this fits into my Word for the year.

My Granny turned 77 on May 23rd.  Then she got really sick on Saturday, we thought it was simply a stomach virus, so we were not overly concerned.  On Sunday evening my mom decided to take her to the Emergency Room because she was weak and possibly dehydrated.  They ended up admitting her to the hospital and then diagnosed her with diverticulitis.  On the 29th she ended up having surgery, turns out that she had Mal-rotation of the colon since birth and they fixed that when they were giving her the colostomy.  She stayed in the hospital until the 31st.  At that point they were going to discharge her into a rehabilitative facility.  However the rehabilitative facility did not have a good reputation so we refused to let her go there.  We had already discussed that she would come to live with our family when she came home.  So we got her released to stay with us, with the help of home health nurses, and her physical and occupational therapists.

Now we don’t mind helping her out, not at all.  However it never occurred to me, just how much work would be involved in helping her to recover.  She has been a fairly independent lady for as long as I can remember.  Coming out of the hospital though, she was not able to get up and down on her own, and we have to change her bandages from the surgery, and take care of the colostomy bag, as well as attempt to follow the four diets that she is on so that she doesn’t end up back in the hospital.

I say it has helped me in submission because through taking care of Granny I am learning a lesson in giving up what I want and do, and doing for others.  Since I am the sturdiest person and the one with the most upper body strength in my house, getting her up and down has fallen to me.  Since she is on a diuretic, it keeps me fairly busy.

I have found that it is also a lesson in walking with God in what I do when I don’t have time for devotions and routines at the usual time.  But even this I don’t mind as much, because I am learning to get rid of routine and still seek God in the moment with me and not regulated to certain times.

I am happy to say that she gets better every day.  Also I am glad to see that I am learning some lessons through all of this.  Typically I would resent spending so much time not getting things done that I want or need to do.  Instead I see God changing my desires to waiting on others and placing others before myself.

 

Posts may be sporadic in the next little bit.  I am helping to take care of my Granny, she has just been released from the hospital.  But I am learning a lot from the experience.  I know there will be lots to share, and while I was wanting to make a post on this, it will have to wait until I get a bit more time.

Being Fully Present

In my post the other day I mentioned that I have been struggling with a lot weighing on my mind.  Simply overwhelmed with what has been going on.  Getting centered that day helped, but it did not alter my reality.  Then today it hit me, what was going on.  I have failed to live in the present moment, and have let worries intrude, stealing my peace. I have also been focused on what was not getting done, instead of just going with the flow of things.

You see I often fail to notice what is right in front of me.  But a month ago Margaret Feinberg had offered a challenge to some of her blog readers, and I jumped on board.  The challenge was to focus on being present and uni-tasking, as opposed to multitasking.  We ended up calling this the Joy Experiment, and she gave us bracelets to help us keep our focus, just like the one pictured above.  On one side it says “The Joy Experiment”  on the back it says “Philippians 2:14″.  

I found this challenge to be hard at first, although I thought it would be easy, because I have tried Mindfulness before.  However during the first week I found that I never drive without the radio. At first I succeeded in being more present. I noticed the scenery, the wild flowers, the colors of spring, it was nice. However soon my mind rebelled, thoughts going 100mph, darting from one thing to the next. I found myself planning emails, deliberating on problems, planning blog posts, and becoming far removed from what I was doing.  All of that actually served as a great reminder though that I have to be intentional about all things. I thought that I had mastered not letting my mind travel so much like that. It used to be a major issue.  Now I see that I have gotten a bit slack in controlling what I think about. As in most things it is not a one time battle and it needs to be remembered the things I have learned to stop from doing this.

Week two revealed, that technology encourages the multitasking.  I tend to want to skip from one website to the next, many windows open at once, answering texts on my phone, and many other things at the same time.  For me it is a great lesson in being intentional about all I do.  Because rushing and trying to do more than one thing at a time compromises the quality of all I do. Simply being aware, noticing the needs of others around me, is a simple pleasure.

Week three was the most rewarding for me.  My Pastor was teaching about changing grace and how that enables us to be present in the moment.  He referred to Galatians 5:22-24:

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.”

As I was reflecting on this later, I became aware that I have seen changes, I’m just really slow in seeing my own growth or improvements.  When I remember to be present and unitask I’ve noticed that I don’t feel frantic when trying to get things done.  I am also more aware of Gods presence in the task I am doing.  I have become nicer during interruptions, because my unitasking shifts my attention to the interruption instead of what I was working on previously.  I have also noticed more joy and peace because I take the time to enjoy the task before me.

But since my Grandmother has went into the hospital, I’ve forgotten to be intentional, and I started to worry about the things outside of my control and I forgot to be present.  I had to remind myself that Jesus is in the present moment. When I  start stressing about things out of my control, or things in the future, I lose my strength for today. One moment at a time, being fully present opens me up for blessings, noticing the way Gods hand is in my life, and strength for right now.

Now if I could just remember that, and never forget.  Have you ever tried being fully present?  Have you noticed a difference in your life?  If so, please share!!