Sharing

A Day in my Current Life

Bed

A recent picture including my bed where I have spent most of my time lately

 

I’ve mentioned some of my health problems that I have had recently while I explained my lack of posting. Yet I find myself wanting to explain a bit more.

Since the beginning of October I started paying attention more to the fact that my body simply was not functioning the same. For some months now I noticed that I have been simply exhausted, with little energy for anything. I mostly blamed this on starting my new job, which required 10 hour days that was supposed to be 4 days a week, but ended up having a 5th day at 8 hours.  As if that wasn’t enough to adapt to, I have the privilege of being at work at 5 in the morning.  So it was a shock to my system as I am used to staying up late. I naturally thought having been unemployed for so long that I am just out of shape and practice and simply needed time to adjust.

My hormones have been out of balance for about a year now, but all of the professionals wanted to say that was due to thyroid problems and they did nothing.

So at the beginning of October I began to notice some issues.  Bowel movements were becoming more problematic with cramps and major pain.  Then over a short period it got to where I could not eat or drink that I didn’t instantly bloat, have gas, heartburn, indigestion and just feel miserable.  So I scheduled an appointment knowing that my doctor has wanted to send me to an endocrinologist.  However now my thyroid looks fine and other than running labs, nothing happened at that appointment.

A few weeks later starting on the 19th, I started experiencing vertigo. However, I was told by the ENT that urgent care referred me to, that mine is not a typical case. This is because most people’s is triggered by movement of some kind, but it eases if you do not perform the trigger movement. However mine started as I was watching a Beth Moore study session and it simply has not stopped.  I have been given medicine to help, but it works only when it wants to.  My vertigo is a constant spinning of everything around me. On my bad days the floor seems to be pitching and rolling and whatever I touch feels like it is moving.  On the not so bad days, everything spins nonstop, but what I touch seems stable.

So my days now look like this:

Wake up early, room spinning, call off work and go back to sleep.  Wake back up around 7:30-8 and stumble through the house fix a drink, take medicine, go lay back down for a while. Let the room spinning slow down, get up, get dressed in stages, sitting down as needed. Brush teeth and hair, then make the bed. Get something to eat. Grab my throw and lay back on top of the bed.  Possibly dozing off after reading my devotions.  Reading is practically impossible as everything spins, making it hard to focus. Wake up take more medicine. Try to do something, possibly succeeding for about 15 minutes before having to give up and lay down. Not tired, but I can’t read, so I pray and try to listen to CD’s.  The noise bothers my head, so I turn it off.  Check Facebook from my cell phone. Now I have a headache from trying to focus. I turn it all off and doze off again because anything else is too much effort.  I repeat the whole process often throughout the day until bedtime.  I’m only allowed 3 pills for the vertigo throughout the day.

This my friends is my life as they try to figure out what is causing this.  I have been to the doctors and a few different specialists and had some various tests run.  Hopefully we are closer to receiving answers.  This is why I have not written lately.  However this also makes me more aware that even when someone appears fine, as I seem fine most days, that we need to be gentle and kind because we never know what kind of battle someone could really be facing.  I know that there are many invisible illnesses and I imagine that you may all know of someone who suffers and the world doesn’t understand it. Perhaps we can all use the reminder to show our support to someone today.

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Uncategorized

Bear with me friends, I have plans to come back and write some great posts, and we will be moving soon.  My sickness has interrupted my schedule, but I know that everything will happen right on time.  Currently working on a redesign to go with the new location and making notes for lots of new posts as I prepare for this coming year.

Also beginning to prepare for our holiday season.  But for now God is asking me to rest and Be still.

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Faith, Intentional Living

On Trust

I am sorry that I have not posted much recently.  I find myself having some struggles with my health. These struggles have made it hard for me to do much of anything for long. Going through the process of tests and multiple doctors visits to decide what is going on so that I can have my life back. All of this is teaching me that there are areas of my Christian walk that still need work.  So while I am waiting I am hoping to fully learn the lessons that God intends to teach me.

Something that I know I have struggled with again and again is the area of trust. Life has taught me that you can’t trust everyone. So trust has been something that has not come easy to me. Partly because I like to know how things are going to work out. This sounds a lot like control. Control is the opposite of faith. Faith is the believing of things you cannot see. Control is merely an illusion because often we simply get frustrated because we can’t control everything because that is Gods job.

The hardest part for me is how I want to understand. At times I think that I need to understand what is going on around me. When it seems like all else is outside of my control, that sense of understanding makes me feel powerful. It gives me a feeling of control.

Yet, Trust is not a passive thing.  In the Hebrew there are 3 words that I found for trust that shows us that it takes action.  Bâtach means to be bold (confident, secure, sure), be careless, put confidence.  The next word is châcâh means to have hope, make refuge. The last word is âman which means assurance, believe, bring up, establish, be faithful.  As you can see when you trust, it requires intentional action.  You must intentionally become bold, be careless because you have dropped your cares with Jesus, and put on confidence.  You must have hope in Jesus and make your refuge with Him, and you have to be faithful to leave it there.

I’m still learning this message every day, especially now because I have missed work and mostly confined to the bed. Yet I am learning how to rest in Him anew.

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Faith

God’s Wisdom Test

Gods Wisdom Test

In church we are currently studying the book of Proverbs.  When we began to study this book in our notes we were given what was called God’s wisdom test for our “wise” choices.  Since then I have referred back to this several times, because of that I want to share it here. I am always questioning my choices, and are the things I am thinking about good in the eyes of God, or is it something that is just what I want.  I know I have shared before on ways to check your motivations.  But this one has come straight from the bible and I love that.

  1. The Compliance Test: God’s standard of excellence and maturity.
    • Is what I am thinking about doing in accordance to the wishes, demands, and requirements of God and His Word?
      • Your Word is a lamp for my steps; it lights the path before me. Psalm 119:105
      • All of scripture is God-breathed; in its inspired voice, we hear useful teaching, rebuke, correction, instruction and training for a life that is right so that God’s people (you and me) may be up to the task ahead and have all we need to accomplish every good work. 2 Tim. 3:16-17
  2. The Conscientious Test: God’s standards of moral and ethical principles and truths
    • Is what I am thinking about doing controlled and done according to the one’s inner sense of what is right by God’s Word and His Holy Spirit?
    • Would I want everyone to know about this decision?
      • The path of integrity is always safe, but a person who follows a crooked way will be exposed. Prov 10:9
      • So if you know the right way to live and ignore it, it is sin-plain and simple. James 4:17
      • Be sure that your sin will find you out. Numbers 32:23
  3. The Choice Test: God’s standards of a more desirable and holy condition.
    • Is what I am thinking about doing based on what God says is excellent toward Him and others?
    • Will it make me a better DISCIPLE of Christ?
      • Run away from immature desires. Instead direct your passion to chasing after righteousness, faithfulness, love and peace, along with those who call upon the Lord with pure hearts. 2 Tim. 2:22
      • Here is a last piece of advice. If you believe in goodness and if you value the approval of God, fix your minds on the things which are holy and right and pure beautiful and good. Model your conduct on what you have learned from me, on what I have told you and shown you, and you will find the God of peace will be with you. Phil 4:8-9
  4. The Control Test: God’s standards of self-control and devotion.
    • Is what I am thinking about doing becoming destructive, dysfunctional and debilitating toward my relationship with God and others?
    • Could it become an ADDICTION/OBSESSION?
      • Don’t invite that insufferable tyrant of sin back into your life so you won’t become obedient to its destructive desires. The question before you is: What will be your master? Will it be sin-which will lead to certain death-or obedience-which will lead to a right and reconciled life? Rom. 6:12, 16
      • Let us drop every extra weight, every sin that clings to us and slackens our pace….stay focused on Jesus. Heb. 12:1-2
  5. The Consequence Test: God’s standards of our witness and influence
    • Is what I am thinking about doing going to result in God’s glory or will I choose to diminish His glory and cause others to stumble?
    • Will it harm OTHERS?
      • God does care when you use your freedom carelessly in a way that leads a fellow believer still vulnerable to those old associations to be thrown off track. 1 Cor. 8:9b
      • Even if we believe that it makes no difference…whether we do these things, still we cannot just go ahead and do them to please ourselves; we must bear the ‘burden’ of being considerate of the doubts and fears of others…Rom. 15:1-2
  6. The Cause Test: God’s standards of our responsibility on the use of time, talent and treasure.
    • Is what I am thinking of doing the best use of the borrowed time and resources that God has entrusted with me for His kingdom?
    • Is it the best use of my TIME and LIFE?
      • So be careful how you live; be mindful of your steps. Don’t run around like idiots as the rest of the world does. Instead, walk as the wise! Make the most of every living breathing moment because these are evil times. So understand and be confident in God’s will, and don’t live thoughtlessly. Eph. 5:15-17

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Sharing

Stolen {A Review}

Stolen

 

I recently finished the book Stolen by Katariina Rosenblatt, PhD, this was an eye-opening book on the horrors of sex trafficking and how it happens here in the United States.  While it was a very good book however it was not a book that I enjoyed.  I don’t mind reading about serious topics and generally enjoy it yet I could not connect well with this book.  It seemed like the author wrote the book purposefully just to promote her organization There is H.O.P.E. For Me, Inc.

The book was eye-opening in revealing just how easily children can fall into sex trafficking and how manipulative the people can be.  It also goes to show me the many reasons I have to be thankful that I never fell into anything like this.  It did well to explain why people find it so hard to escape from this kind of lifestyle even when they want to do just that.

The authors story is an amazing one, because she shares the ups and downs that she has faced to become free.  All in all it was a good book, just not one I felt a personal connection with.

 

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Sharing

Breathing Room {Review}

Breathing Room

 

This book caught me from the introduction, I found myself sharing pictures of quotes.  It is a much-needed book, a combination of recovery and Christianity, Leeana Tankersley has reached out to a population that is often ignored.  Most Christian living books offer helpful advice, yet many come from a perspective of having it all together. This book is different in the fact that it approaches things from a recovery standpoint.  What I mean by recovery isn’t just a recovery from addictions, although it may help with that, but a recovery from the times that life has sapped you of everything you have to give and you simply have nothing left.  This book is for those that have been there and need to understand that life goes on and it gets better.  This book is for those people who feel like they are the only ones who have ever felt THIS way.  She talks about coming apart and how hard it is, and the questions we may have about ourselves and our faith as we go through this struggle.  This is not a typical book about rest, or even about falling apart or getting yourself together.  This is a refreshing view of doing life while giving yourself grace, taking responsibility and giving yourself permission to be human and have feelings that might not line up with everyone else’s view of reality.

This is the perfect book for that person who feels like they just don’t know how to go on, or they don’t understand how they got in this mess to begin with.  She gives you practical steps and principals for processing things and for reclaiming your life.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Revell Reads Blog Review program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.
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